Secular Sacraments

Written by Faith-Ann English

life has taught me 

that lies are gospel truth.

every lie to escape the lips

is the holy word.

the voices of the clergy 

ring in my head—

italicized.

don't sit like that.

it’s not ladylike!

don't let anyone touch you 

where you shouldn't be touched.

do what is right.

I molded myself into a temptation 

because I wanted to be desired

but, I'm tired of them asking—

what are you wearing?

I pronounce to myself

it’s okay

they’re attracted to me

they want me—

it's a lie.

they want what I have sacrificed.

I’m too much, 

yet not enough for them to love.

my self-invalidation

offers others an invitation

to accept the alter call,

and desecrate my body’s sanctuary—

to leave nothing

but the smallest speck 

of self-hatred disguised as 

acceptance.

- habits of a girl who hated herself