Season of Singleness
Written by Jillian VanDyke
Just because you’re alone does not mean you have to be lonely. Greatness can come with being single.
Hear me out: I am not throwing a pity party for myself or anyone because of a particular relationship status or lack thereof. I am in the same boat of singleness, so I hope to relate to what you are feeling. But if not, I can do my best to share with you some optimism. Take advantage of the time you're in, and invest in your current and future self in order to discover your joy. Find happiness in yourself so that another person is an addition, not what fills you.
Life throws many different seasons at us, but singleness is a particular season that can seem to last a lengthy amount of time. With this can come feelings of doubt, but also can come reassurance, personal growth and self-confidence. You have the ability to be happy with your single life and bring out the best in it. Did you know that being by yourself has been scientifically proven to be healthier for you for various reasons? Social connections play a big part in this, especially platonic ones. Being alone gives you more free time to socialize with people other than your partner, which leads to overall happiness.
Find happiness in yourself so that another person is an addition, not what fills you.
According to researcher Dr. Elyakim Kislev, at Columbia University, “Singles who pursue social interactions more proactively than do couples can bypass them in the happiness index.” Therefore, allowing yourself to pursue platonic relationships is very beneficial to your overall well-being. Romantic relationships consume valuable time that can be spent with other people.
Your twenties are a time to be selfish and do what is best for you, which may be exactly what preparing yourself for a relationship looks like. Vulnerability can be extremely taxing if you are not secure enough with the person you are. Life is too short to give time to undeserving people when you could be using it for your own good instead. Everyone has the capability to pour love into themselves so they can share it with their future significant other.
Many health benefits come with not having a partner. Oftentimes, when another person is added into your personal life, your finances, sleeping habits, and stress levels are affected. The next time you find yourself stressed or losing sleep on how much money you spend, remember that at least it is on yourself and not someone else. Single people become more generous and helpful for this reason, which in time, will be much more beneficial for their potential future significant others.
Being single brings emotional strength and intelligence, two things that are not found in a relationship, but are beneficial while in one. Generosity is something that is keen to a partner. Individuals are able to receive love in a plethora of ways, all of which are based on personality and personal preference. This usually entails a combination of the five love languages. I suggest taking time to get to know yourself and what you enjoy so that you are able to communicate this to others. If you do not know how you receive love, it could put a strain on your relationships.
Learning how you are able to receive love is important for you to be able to communicate with people, whether it be platonically or romantically. Working on these while “dating yourself” is a great place to start.
Words of Affirmation
Receiving love through words can be hard when you are not romantic with someone that will speak those words to you. This is when self-love starts to come into play. Speaking love into yourself and working on caring communication is how you may learn what specific affirmations you are able to receive well.
Acts of Service
This love language ties in with another person, so while you are single, start taking yourself out on a few dates! Receiving a service can be as simple as making a cup of coffee.
Healthily welcoming a warm embrace can start with something as simple as a accepting a hug. For those of you who have pets, take advantage of them (in a loving way of course!). Oftentimes, the heart desires something as simple as a reassuring warm embrace.
Not that I fully condone it, but this love language may require a little bit of shopping therapy — who doesn’t love that!? Treat yourself (literally!), especially when you do not have someone doing it for you! You have to allow yourself to receive things before others.
I can not stress this enough: spend time by yourself. Getting through your season of singleness and enjoying it comes with learning how NOT to be lonely while being alone. You cannot add another person into the mix until you fill your time with activities that only include yourself. Learning more about what you enjoy doing in your alone time will be beneficial when you need “alone time” during a relationship, or even for things that you can add to a list of date ideas!