A call for hibernation.
Written by Calico Jones
Stepping outside to feel the bones inside me shake, flash freezing my brain — I can’t speak, breathe, or think. The sun might be out, but the winds are antarctic. A warm drink goes to my chest and disperses to every tip and toe; my nose turns red and drips to and fro. I’m a modern day Aloja; I could stay in my warm bath water for thousands of years, don’t test me. I’ll be my own stew of road slush, bus dust, bar smoke and perfume. Walking in the cold, daydreaming about coming home to get bundled into a ball with good food, heating pad on my tum, under the bright fairy lights intensified by the 5 p.m. darkness. Womanhood in the winter is being bundled up while bleeding- shoot, I don’t even need to be bleeding- to my friend’s knowledge I will be on my period for the next four months.. Wintertime is for indulging in what makes you warm, whether that be physically or emotionally. Hold someone close, make them some soup, watch your favorite movie, drink hot chocolate everyday- the only way to defeat seasonal depression is to treat yourself like the queen of the Arctic. Take care of yourself this winter, eat that pint of chocolate Häagen-Dazs while bundled up binge-watching “The Office.” Sometimes it’s okay to embrace laziness.
"Wintertime is for indulging in what makes you warm."
The other parts of the world have this amazing thing called siestas, which is an afternoon nap or rest, usually taken during the hottest hours of the day. We are not machines! We are not meant to be pushed to full capacity during extreme climates! Cleveland winters are basically Siberian springs. I propose we start imposing national hibernation. We’ll go a little less than bears, who hibernate from October to April. I say, from mid-November to March, we are allowed to stay home. I was thinking we could just stop the economy for a bit, but hibernation without DoorDash wouldn’t be the same. We’ll keep food and fun places open: nothing else! Delivery-drivers will thrive, people won’t get Covid or the flu, and maybe I could catch up on the 700 things I need to get done… I just want an excuse to stay home, be warm, and work on my potbelly.
Good luck this winter.
