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  • Writer's picture The Vindicator

The Flare Up Of Ohio Politics

We here in Ohio are supposedly the most important voters in a Presidential election. As Ohio goes, so goes the country, or so we think. Every four years, the herpes rash that we have that is political significance flairs up. And it’s all because DC politicians are tired of their marriage and they want some change. It’s totally psychological. We seem to get along just fine, until he tells us he’s back in town and just wants to meet for drinks. Then we get that flair up. It starts small. Maybe there’s some Congressman from Ohio that endorsing early, being asked to speak at a convention or even running in a primary.


But this week there was a bigger than usual flair up and we could feel that Bern. A discharge. Something we may need to see a doctor about. Since we’re the pretty single girl in this analogy, we need to go to Planned Parenthood. My job doesn’t offer benefits and we can’t afford Obamacare. Oh shit. That’s right. Ol’ Johnny came back and took away my rights to get healthcare through Planned Parenthood. I hope I’m not pregnant.


We don’t get it. We never do. Every four years he comes back to town. He tells us that this time it’s going to be different. That he’s got his stuff together. That he’s going to leave her this time and focus on us. He won’t. He just wants us to support him when he gets that promotion. Then he can move into that big mansion. You think he’s going to invite us to the dinner parties? You think we’re going to be able to get dolled up and be that supportive, doting significant other? No. It won’t help his political aspirations. We’re just peons. Our socioeconomic status is not conducive to what type of showy marriage he’s supposed to have. Every time we forget just how bad he is for us, but we cannot stay away from him.


Maybe we do need to have that clean break from him. Maybe we need to get our lives together and focus on us for a while. I certainly advocate for that. Because if we don’t, there’s a possibility that the discharge could move from black to orange. And orange isn’t good for anyone.


This piece is the seventh installment of a blog series about what our writers' political views mean. Check out others here!

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