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  • The Vindicator

Degenerate

Poem by anonymous

Degenerate

I can't understand the reasons I live,

or the moments that collect and only to give

and the screaming, the pain, and the shackles held tight-

with only the message that nothing is right


I see the disease and the currents that came

The washing- the thrashing-

Now nothing remains

And I wanted the world and the love it endures

So I waited and waited for hope and a cure


I’ve mistaken your smile for shiny new things

what you couldn't give me- it wasn’t the same

I teach and reteach and destroy my own thoughts

My body, my brain, and the colorful spots


It hurts and it hurts and I'm never the same

To pretend you’re mine, you gave me a name

I wanted it all- all that you were

and I wanted to hold you, I misunderstood


Fault is a pleasure

and life is a pain

but living and living

till the end of my days


I wanted a world where nothing was hard

and that love would soon come and never depart

I wished and I prayed to the sky up above

that the future was brighter and in comes a dove


I wish you’d come sooner- engulf my own heart

And now no room for praying will tear us apart


I was promised a day when love would return

So I’ll wait and I’ll wait for the rumors I burned

Yes I’ll wait and I’ll wait to be understood.


Pas de Deux

We stand one foot next to the other

holding hand in hand; a promise

Large winds howl and push

The end together is harmless


Looking down at muddy waters,

your hand squeezes into mine

Nothing stopping us from stepping off-

descend this harsh decline


Heart thumping-

Shattering my ribs

I hear nothing but my own blood rushing;

I can see you giving in


One step, another

You let go of our fingers hold

A promise we made to fall

Hands slipping from railing’s gold


Set aside our word

I watched you dance on air

while standing from the ledge across your gaze,

we shared a moment’s stare


If you are to take your life,

let me also do the same

Wait for me on widow’s peak

-don’t leave me here in pain


We’ll watch the sunrise against the waves

The ocean bids adieu

The birds cry out for another soul

Peer our abandoned Pas de Deux


You’ve left me here to share your shame

I’m nothing but a coward

A weak mind with a weak heart

looking at you spiral downward


If only I knew that I’d be left standing

Did our time mean anything to you

Was it all for nothing- my love, our life

You left your answer with this view


If only I knew I would watch you struggle against the gale

and scream your lungs ‘til full of salt

If only I could have known you’d leave me to watch

your ballad from up on top


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