Poem by anonymous
Degenerate
I can't understand the reasons I live,
or the moments that collect and only to give
and the screaming, the pain, and the shackles held tight-
with only the message that nothing is right
I see the disease and the currents that came
The washing- the thrashing-
Now nothing remains
And I wanted the world and the love it endures
So I waited and waited for hope and a cure
I’ve mistaken your smile for shiny new things
what you couldn't give me- it wasn’t the same
I teach and reteach and destroy my own thoughts
My body, my brain, and the colorful spots
It hurts and it hurts and I'm never the same
To pretend you’re mine, you gave me a name
I wanted it all- all that you were
and I wanted to hold you, I misunderstood
Fault is a pleasure
and life is a pain
but living and living
till the end of my days
I wanted a world where nothing was hard
and that love would soon come and never depart
I wished and I prayed to the sky up above
that the future was brighter and in comes a dove
I wish you’d come sooner- engulf my own heart
And now no room for praying will tear us apart
I was promised a day when love would return
So I’ll wait and I’ll wait for the rumors I burned
Yes I’ll wait and I’ll wait to be understood.
Pas de Deux
We stand one foot next to the other
holding hand in hand; a promise
Large winds howl and push
The end together is harmless
Looking down at muddy waters,
your hand squeezes into mine
Nothing stopping us from stepping off-
descend this harsh decline
Heart thumping-
Shattering my ribs
I hear nothing but my own blood rushing;
I can see you giving in
One step, another
You let go of our fingers hold
A promise we made to fall
Hands slipping from railing’s gold
Set aside our word
I watched you dance on air
while standing from the ledge across your gaze,
we shared a moment’s stare
If you are to take your life,
let me also do the same
Wait for me on widow’s peak
-don’t leave me here in pain
We’ll watch the sunrise against the waves
The ocean bids adieu
The birds cry out for another soul
Peer our abandoned Pas de Deux
You’ve left me here to share your shame
I’m nothing but a coward
A weak mind with a weak heart
looking at you spiral downward
If only I knew that I’d be left standing
Did our time mean anything to you
Was it all for nothing- my love, our life
You left your answer with this view
If only I knew I would watch you struggle against the gale
and scream your lungs ‘til full of salt
If only I could have known you’d leave me to watch
your ballad from up on top