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  • Writer's picture The Vindicator

A Rocking Review of the Rock Hall

Appraising Cleveland’s Geographic Cultural Epicenter

Written by: Cameron Mays

If Carl Linneaus was on TikTok, he’d probably make all the plants and animals take political compass tests. Suffice to say, this four-quadrant spectrum seems to be the most popular form of taxonomy these days. To pinpoint why is as simply convoluted as binomial nomenclature. Are we a more political time? Maybe. Are we a more divided time? Potentially. Are we a more organized time? Yes. This is the time for needless classifications. Truthfully, we have run out of Latin words, and Buzzfeed quizzes are too millennia for our previous organizational systems to be of any use. We need the depth of the political compass test.

I, too, love classifying different people. Unfortunately, organizing people by politics is too pedestrian for my tastes. I prefer organizing people by organizational habits. My four- quadrant spectrum is relatively simple. The x-axis runs from “keeps everything” on the left to “throws away everything” on the right. The y-axis runs from “knows where everything is” on the bottom and “doesn’t know where anything is” on the top. My organizational habits compass requires no test, just a good look around. Administering the test involves a thirty-second scan of one’s living space with near instantaneous results.

I personally fall under “keeps everything” and “doesn’t know where anything is.” I have kept every document given to me since George Bush left office; however, I couldn’t tell you where any of this stuff is. I get the “keep everything” gene from my mother and the “doesn’t know where anything is” gene from my father. Sanitation workers are a part of the “throws away everything” and “knows where everything is” quadrant. They know everything they throw away goes to the dump. Famous historical figures whose organization quadrant I’ve determined include Wolfgang Mozart (keeps everything knows nothing), Alice Roosevelt (keeps everything knows everything) and Taio Cruz (throws away everything knows nothing).

It should come as no surprise that I relate to the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame. Like the Rock Hall, I keep everything. Does anyone need to see Mick Jagger’s used tissue? Nope. Will I ever need my acceptance letter to Miami University? Nope. But we kept them anyway! At the same time, we both have no clue what we’ve got and where we’ve got it. Should the employees at the Rock Hall know where Joe Strummer’s Telecaster is displayed? Definitely. Should I know where my birth certificate is stored? Definitely. But neither of us do anyway! The I.M. Pei masterwork and I are linked at the soul.

It is this soul-level linking that puts me at a unique position to criticize the Rock Hall. Since I intrinsically understand its approach to organization, I intrinsically understand the complex socio-political position the museum has in Greater Cleveland society. To relate back to the political compass test, the best person to criticize George W. Bush is George W. Bush. Therefore, check out my video to watch one “keeps everything knows nothing” criticizing a fellow “keeps everything knows nothing.”

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