A Humble Plea for a Bagel Shop
Hear me out — downtown Cleveland needs a bagel shop
Written by Abigail Jarvis
We need a bagel shop.
Every great city in America has a bagel shop. New York is famous for its bagels — you head into a classic Jewish deli or a bodega and you feel like you’re home. Well, maybe if your home is like “hurry the f*** up, what kind do you want, you need a schmear of cream cheese, hey can’t you tell I’m working here, here you go, shut up and have a nice day.” Ahh, New York. That is exactly the kind of hard determination and passion for bagels we need in this town.
You may be thinking, Abigail, we already have a bagel shop in Cleveland — the lovely local Cleveland Bagel Company, with multiple locations around the city! This is true and you’re absolutely right. But it is essential to me, and all bagel-less CSU students, to have one closer to our campus.
Every great city in America has a bagel shop.
This is my opportunity to be heard and I will not be silenced on this issue any longer. We need a bagel shop downtown, within walking distance from Cleveland State University. I implore Mayor Justin Bibb, President Laura Bloomberg, the Cavs, the Browns, the Guardians and Playhouse Square to come together on this fundamental issue within our city.
My dear President Bloomberg, I know you have very large goals for Cleveland State … dare I say, bold new blueprints that show a campus jumping from CSU 2.0 straight to CSU 27.0. Listen, if we could tweak those imaginative plans just a smidge and include a bagel shop, I think the campus would be far more attractive. I know that you hope to create an atmosphere that encourages more on campus living and participation, and a bagel shop would most certainly contribute to that dream. I can personally attest that I would eat bagels there. I’ll be long since graduated by the time that plan rolls around — but I hope my patronage would be a vote of confidence nonetheless for a Cleveland bagel shop.
Why would this dining location be beneficial? Bagels are affordable, quick, healthy and filling meal options — all things that are important as an on-the-go college student. Bagels are just so practical! They’re easy to carry, they come in a wide variety of flavors, they’re not just limited to breakfast and you can dress ‘em up fancy or leave them classic. I am a typical cream cheese kind of gal, but in no world would I turn down a hearty egg, ham, cheese and spinach bagel sandwich. I know most of the time CSU gets critiqued for its lack of parking, but I think the lack of a bagel shop is an equally pressing matter.
A large dark roast coffee and an everything bagel can help you achieve everything you need to in a day for the great citizens of Cleveland.
Mayor Bibb, a bagel shop downtown would be incredibly beneficial to you and your constituents. Imagine a bagel shop a little closer to where you work at City Hall. A large dark roast coffee and an everything bagel can help you achieve everything you need to in a day for the great citizens of Cleveland. You gain the unshakable support of CSU students forever after you grant us the glory of having bagels near our campus. This is a plan without any flaws.
Now I appeal to my Cleveland sports teams. Think of the catering. Think of the fans pregaming with bagels in the Muni Lot! Think how wonderfully energized your players and staff will be after carb loading and how much better they would perform after a scrumptious bagel.
Speaking of performing, think of all the performing artists working in Playhouse Square who would enjoy a wonderful bagel. There’s the employees for all of the theaters, especially those at Cleveland Playhouse who share a building with Cleveland State theatre students. Technicians, theater staff members and actors would be able to break far more legs after being serenaded by a beautiful bagel shop.
Cleveland needs to be unified by bagels.
Cleveland needs to be unified by bagels. Not only that, we are drastically out-bageled by other cities. Of course, NYC bagel shops are the role model of what we can be. Utopia Bagels, a bagel shop in Queens, makes 100,000 handmade bagels each day. Each day, we are being dusted in the world of bagels. I am concerned, because when you google cities known for bagels do you know who appears on a list before us?! Columbus. If we want to improve our reputation to being more than “the mistake on the lake,” we need to step up and become the bagel capital of Ohio. After that? We take on the world. Cleveland bagels against the world. We won’t just be known as The Land — we’ll be The Land of Bagels.
In summary, here is why we need a bagel shop downtown:
To feed bagel craving CSU students (me) and improve the quality of our campus.
To compete in a national, nay, global bagel market.
To improve our sports teams’ performances. Lord knows the Browns need it.
Mayor Bibb can’t work with an empty tummy. Get this man a bagel.
To feed the fans and employees of our sports teams and theaters. The entire entertainment scene of Cleveland hangs on the very balance of having a bagel shop.